Reading through your post I empathize a lot man. I dunno, I feel like Im in another growing pains phase in my life, and it makes me anxious.Īnonymous 09/10/22(Sat)19:30:09 No.
But now I want to catch up, get my own place again, start building my credit and being cash positive, even if it means going back to being a wageslave that's just life. At a certain point I just had the mindset of I'll just keep closet drinking as much as possible until my mom can't handle how long I've been at home and jobless and kicks me out and just kind of go from there, letting my friends pass me by and go on with their lives. I've started to come out of my nihilistic mentality and have been thinking even if life seems aimless, I should at least try and have a good life for myself. I'm just awkwardly coasting, haven't had a real relationship in years, haven't ever had a career just jobs. Most of my friends are thinking on marriage, buying a house, etc. Although my friends are all wonderful, I'm very clearly lagging behind in life. I want to learn something other than labor but I'm worried I'm not smart enough to excel at something thats entirely brainy. On the other side, I have this deep existential dread, I'm much older than I'd like to admit to myself, too old to be living at home again. But other than that, I've slowed down on drinking, I have a somewhat formed diet, and I've been going to the gym for the last 4 months and its starting to show. I need to get back into a job, its been a while of not working and I'm running out of my reserves. It doesnt cross my mind as much anymore, it seems like another life.ĥ65 KB JPG On one side, I'm doing well. It hung over me for a while, every day id think of her name and that "I did that". Its never spoken of in my hosue besides my mom making one mention of it when I was making some other poor choices a few years ago. My parents spent a small fortune on a lawyer and I was saved and had community service and to go to a counselor for a year or so after. I wasnt going to forcefully rape her, I just hoped she would listen.Ī couple days later my dad told me I was being taken to criminal court, I spent the next year and a half with that looming over my head and the anixety of going to court and what could happen and just the shame of my parents knowing what I did. When I was 12 (about to turn 13) I molested a 6 year old girl, I was at her house and when she was in bed I went to her bed side and pulled out my dick and said "put it in your mouth" then I took her hand and stroked my dick with it a couple times and then I left after that because I knew it wasnt gonna happen. 7930026 theres been a lot on my mind, I think its because i took some modafinil this morning and its made me restless and anxious but ive wanted to get some stuff off my chest.
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